I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve spoken with you.
I know somewhere in my stack of Important Things I have your contact information.
I keep meaning to sort through them all.
I guess I’m worried that because it’s been so long since I’ve reached out to you, you will have forgotten about me. Or that you’ll have changed your address. I’m afraid you won’t want to be my friend. I’m afraid that I actually don’t deserve you and that you will agree with my Ego, who keeps telling me all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together. You know, scumbag me not making good on my intentions. (you get the idea)
It’s been a really long year Gentleness,
One that has worn me all the way down to my marrow, and has sucked the very last bit of fight I’ve had from me.
There were somedays I felt outside myself. As if I were existing somewhere in consciousness but unable to make my physical body move the way I wanted it to. Or do the things I needed it to.
There were days I felt the burn in my throat as strongly as if I were inhaling smoke.
There were days I inhaled smoke and learned my body held the ache of grief.
I forgot about you.
I thought I didn’t need you.
I was wrong.
I don’t want to ignore you anymore.
I want to be more open to you.
I’m starting to realize how important you are to me.
Not to sound overly dramatic or anything, but I need you. Life without you is pretty shitty.
Thanks for being the kind of friend that listens and accepts me, even when I have a hard time doing that, or think I don’t deserve it.
[ image: snap713 ]